Rabbi Bernard Fox
“Now, say that you are my sister so that I will prosper and I will live
on your account.” (Beresheit 12:23)
In some instances the Torah’s attitude towards women seems somewhat troublesome. Bluntly stated, the Torah has been accused of blatant chauvinism. However, this criticism is often based upon simplistic interpretations of difficult passages. These passages deserve careful analysis and consideration. A conclusion that these passages reflect a chauvinistic attitude is the result of a remarkably shallow approach to the understanding of these passages. It is not possible to analyze every instance in which the Torah is subject to this superficial criticism. However, there is one instance found in this week’s parasha that is instructive. It serves as an excellent example of a difficulty that may be superficially explained as an example of chauvinism but in fact has a completely different and compelling explanation.
Avram follows Hashem’s instructions. He travels to the land of Canaan and settles there. Suddenly, a famine strikes the land. Avram is faced with the challenge of saving his family and his flocks. He decides that he has no alternative other than to seek temporary refuge in Egypt. In Egypt there is food and he can retreat there until the famine in Canaan passes.
But
establishing himself in Egypt posses its own dangers. The Egyptians are an immoral and lawless people. Avram recognizes that as a stranger in this
foreign land he will be prey for all those that covet his possessions. Even his marriage to Sari will not be
respected by this lawless and lustful people.
Sari is an attractive woman. To
the Egyptians, she will be an exotic beauty.
She will be coveted and Avram’s marriage to Sari will be and obstacle
that an Egyptian suitor will want to eliminate in the simplest most expedient
manner – through murdering Avram.
Avram
is faced with a dilemma. He must escape
the famine of Canaan. But Egypt seems
even more dangerous!
Avram
develops a solution to his dilemma and presents it to Sari. He asks Sari to present herself to the
Egyptians as his sister. In other
words, she should conceal her marriage to Avram. Avram explains his reasons for this request. He asks her to present herself as his sister
so that the Egyptians will treat him well and he will survive the sojourn in
this dangerous foreign land.
Although we can understand Avram’s fears and we can accept the inevitability of
his solution, his explanation of his motives to Sari seems quite bizarre and at
the least remarkably insensitive. We
would expect Avram to enlist Sari’s cooperation by first explaining the danger
he will face if he is identified as her husband. He should then ask for her to save him by disguising their
relationship. This does not seem to be
Avram’s approach. He does appeal to
Sari to conceal their relationship. He
explains to her that this is the only way to save his life. But he also tells Sari that by executing
this masquerade he will be treated favorably by the Egyptians. It is hard to imagine a more insensitive or
ill-chosen remark. Is this the way to
enlist one’s wife’s support? How would
a normal woman react to this plea?
Surely, her response would be anything but sympathetic! She would think, “What kind of person is my
husband. He is asking me to willingly
allow myself to be abducted by a stranger.
And he tells me that I should do this so the Egyptians will treat him
favorably! It’s one thing for him to
ask me to make this sacrifice in order to save his life. But what kind of boorish person would ask
for this sacrifice so he can be treated well?”
Was Avram so insensitive to Sari that he did not recognize that this
would be her likely response?
The
shallow response is to conclude that Avram – the first of the forefathers – was
a chauvinist and completely incapable of appreciating the Sari’s reaction. Furthermore, the fact that the Torah regards
Avram as one of humanity’s most righteous people clearly indicates that the
Torah condones this attitude.
But
let’s consider whether this is a reasonable explanation of this incident. Even more amazing than Avram’s presentation
is Sari’s response. She accepts Avrams’
suggestion without any criticism. She
allows herself to be taken by Paroh and even after she is miraculously rescued
does not confront Avram with even the mildest complaint. Now, one might respond that Sari was
completely dominated by Avram. She had
no mind of her own or the fortitude to confront her domineering spouse. But it is important to remember that Sari
was not a passive individual. She did
forcibly confront Avram on other occasions when she felt he was mistaken. When Avram took Hagar – Sari’s servant – as
a wife, Sari told Avram that she held him personally responsible for Hagar’s
haughty treatment of her. After the
birth of Yitzchak, Sari insisted that Avram send away Yishmael – Avram’s other
son. It is amazing that Sari never
rebuked Avram for this insensitivity!
But
the inescapable conclusion is that Sari understood Avram’s meaning and did not
regard his remarks as insensitive. What
was Sari’s interpretation?
There
is another obvious problem with Avram’s presentation. Even if we assume that Avram was insensitive to Sari, we cannot
fully explain Avram’s behavior. Insensitivity
may explain Avram mentioning that he wanted to secure favorable treatment. But insensitivity does not explain the order
in which Avram presented his motivations.
Even the most insensitive person would first plea for his life and only
afterwards mention additional benefits he would accrue through his scheme. If Avram had said, “Say you are my sister so
my life will be spared and – by the way – I will even be treated quite well,”
one might be tempted to explain his remarks as an expression of insensitivity. But Avram did not express his concerns in
this order. First, he mentions that he
will be treated well and then that he will be saved. This seems more like the comments of a fool, not those of an
insensitive person. Now, to claim that
Avram was a fool is clearly preposterous!
This observation leads to a second conclusion. Avram was arguing that if Sari could secure
favorable treatment for him, this treatment would lead to his being
spared. He was presenting a plan to
Sari. “Say you are my sister. This will result in me being treated
well. Once I receive this treatment, my
life will be spared.” Sari fully
understood Avram’s plan. She had no
criticism and she readily accepted it as the most reasonable solution to their
problem. But to us – the reader – the
plan still requires some explanation.
There is one other important element of Avram’s presentation that
cannot be overlooked. Avram told Sari
that if she followed his plan, he would be spared on her account. How does this follow? It was true that the plan Avram concocted
would remove him from immediate danger.
But it would not provide him with protection. Yet, Avram argued that his plan would do more than remove a
threat. Somehow, it would actually
secure his safety. How would this be
accomplished through Sari presenting herself as his sister?
Gur Aryeh provides the final details that completely explain
Avram’s behavior and Sari’s response.
Avram was entering Egypt as a foreigner. He has no friends or allies.
He was a natural target for the Egyptians. His association with Sari placed him in even graver danger. Avram desperately needed a powerful ally and
protector. But how could he secure this
guardian? Avram realized that Sari
could help. Her beauty would bring her
to the attention of all elements of Egyptian society. If Sari revealed that Avram was her husband, the lowest strata
would not have a second thought about murdering him in order to take Sari. But the nobility of society would not demean
itself in this way. Alternatively, if
Sari masqueraded as Avram’s sister the noblest elements of society would line
up to suit her. They would try to
secure Avram’s support by plying him with presents. Avram would become an important person – the friend and associate
of nobility. Avram would have powerful
protectors. No lustful commoner would
lay a hand on him.
Now, Avram’s remarks and Sari’s reaction make perfect sense. Avram asks Sari to disguise herself as his
sister. He explains to her that this
will lead the nobility to court him in order to win Sari’s hand. Once the members of Egypt’s nobility become
his guardians he will be safe. He will
not long be an unknown foreigner – the target of every jealous criminal. He will be a dignitary – the friend of kings
and princes. No one will dare harm
him! He will be saved on her account.[1]