Why Did Yaakov Leave Home?

Rabbi Reuven Mann

Rivka’s Concern and Yaakov’s Flight

This week’s Parsha, VaYeitzei, marks a turning point in the life of Yaakov Avinu (our forefather). Circumstances conspired to compel him to abandon his parents’ home and his birthplace. Yaakov needed to escape from the murderous intentions of his brother Eisav, who was outraged by Yaakov’s “theft” of the blessings their father had intended to give to him!

This was not a Lech Lecha-type situation, akin to that of his grandfather, Avraham. This matter came about because Rivka overheard Yitzchak instructing Eisav to hunt and prepare a tasty meal for him in order that “I may eat, and my soul will bless you before I die” (Bereishit 27:4).

Rivka was alarmed by this development. Her view of Eisav was radically different from that of her husband, who loved Eisav “because the game was in his mouth” (Bereishit 25:28). The Torah does not reveal the reasons for Rivka’s suspicious attitude toward her elder son. It seems that she had a sharp intuition in these matters, having been raised in a home where people like Lavan were well-practiced in the arts of deception.

She did not regard Eisav’s demonstrations of meticulous observance of certain Mitzvot as sincere. On the other hand, she loved her son Yaakov, who dwelled in the tents of Shem and Ever, devoting all his time and energy to the pursuit of wisdom. That type of dedication cannot be faked. Moreover, Yaakov was an Ish Tam (wholehearted person), not the type of person who seeks to create a false image.

Rivka faced a serious dilemma. She believed that Yitzchak’s blessing of Eisav would constitute a disaster for the Abrahamic movement. It would confer upon him the ability to pose as the legitimate leader of the religion initiated by his grandfather, Avraham. But what could she do?

We instinctively feel that she should have brought forth her concerns to her husband. Isn’t that exactly what Sarah had done when she noticed alarming behavior in Avraham’s son, Yishmael? True, Avraham disagreed with her assessment, but when Hashem confirmed her view, Avraham came around and sent Hagar and her son away.

We lack insight into the nature of Yitzchak and Rivka’s relationship. Rivka realized that she would not be able to change her husband’s evaluation of Eisav and that attempting to do so would only cause needless strife, resulting in a breach of Shalom Bayit (peace in the home). So she took matters into her own hands and persuaded Yaakov to disguise himself as Eisav and thus cause Yitzchak to pronounce the blessings upon him.

That part of the plan worked successfully, but then Eisav returned from the field and prepared the tasty dishes, only to discover that he was too late. When he realized what had happened, his reaction was harsh. Somehow, Rivka became aware of his intention to slay Yaakov once their father passed away. She therefore urged him to leave town and take refuge in the home of her brother, Lavan, in Charan, until Eisav’s anger abated and it would be safe to return home.

In obtaining Yitzchak’s approval of this plan, Rivka did not reveal the true reason behind Yaakov’s departure. Instead, she complained about the Canaanite wives Eisav had chosen, and accordingly, Yitzchak instructed Yaakov to go to Paddan-Aram and seek a wife there from his brother-in-law’s family.

[Note: We tend to think that spouses are bound to reveal everything to their mates, but this story seems to indicate otherwise.]

Rivka’s Strategy and Its Consequences

Thus began the journey of Yaakov, which entailed his victimization at the hands of his mother’s brother, Lavan. He was very attracted to his younger and very beautiful daughter, Rachel, and agreed to work for seven years to obtain her hand in marriage. When that commitment was completed, Lavan arranged the wedding party and Yaakov entered the bridal tent only to discover, in the morning, that he had spent the night with Leah.

He confronted Lavan about his treachery, but Lavan parried by saying he could not flout the local custom, which prohibited marrying off the younger daughter before the elder. But, being the “nice guy” that he was, he would allow Yaakov to marry Rachel immediately after the week of celebration was over in exchange for another seven years of labor. There was not much that Yaakov could do. He very much wanted to be married to Rachel, and Lavan held all the cards. Sometimes you are forced to acknowledge your powerlessness and adapt to the situation before you.

Eventually, Yaakov worked out a deal with his father-in-law through which the livestock of Lavan increased tremendously, making both of them extremely wealthy. However, the sons of Lavan suffered from Ayin HaRa (the evil eye) and could not tolerate that Yaakov had become wealthy from the flocks that belonged to their father.

Yaakov sensed the danger and, with his family and possessions, made haste to exit from Charan. He was destined to face more adventures on the return journey homeward, especially in his encounter with his estranged brother Eisav. With Hashem’s help, he was able to effect a reconciliation and eventually made it back to the land from which he had departed twenty-two years earlier.

The Deeper Meaning Behind Yaakov’s Exile

That number is very significant. For as it happened, Yaakov’s beloved son Yosef was sold into slavery in Mitzrayim (Egypt), and it took all of twenty-two years until father and son were reunited. Was the number of years they were separated purely coincidental? Our Rabbis say no! They assert that Yosef was away from Yaakov for twenty-two years as a punishment, measure for measure, for the same number of years that Yaakov failed to fulfill the Mitzvah of Kibbud Av VaEim (honoring father and mother).

In my opinion, there is a glaring difficulty with this rabbinic interpretation. It seems to presuppose that in absenting himself from the presence of his parents, Yaakov somehow committed a transgression. However, that does not seem to be the case because Yaakov had to run away to save his life from Eisav, and the saving of life overrides all other Mitzvot (with the exception of three cardinal prohibitions).

Moreover, by going to Charan, Yaakov was actually fulfilling the instruction of his father and mother, both of whom had urged him to travel to the home of Lavan. It is therefore clear that in departing from his parents, Yaakov was in fact obeying their wishes and thus fulfilling the commandment to honor one’s parents. Why then should the length of his absence be a cause for punishment?

In order to resolve this issue, we must have a deeper understanding of how the Rabbis viewed the matter of Hashem’s punishment. When Hashem punishes a righteous individual, it is always for the sake of making him or her a better person. So while Yaakov’s leaving of his parents was actually the right thing to do, that doesn’t mean that it didn’t also entail a spiritual loss. He no longer had the opportunity to reap the benefits of being actively engaged in ministering to his parents.

The Mitzvah of honoring one’s parents properly is one of the most difficult ones to perform. When doing so, a person must confront all his rebellious and egotistic emotions and overcome them. One who cannot perform this Mitzvah because of circumstances beyond his control is not considered to be in violation of the Torah. Nevertheless, he lacks all of the spiritual benefits that accrue to one who works through and overcomes all the emotional challenges involved in this complicated relationship.

Perhaps this is what the Rabbis had in mind when they asserted that Yosef was away from Yaakov for twenty-two years because that was how long Yaakov didn’t perform the Mitzvah of Kibbud Av. They meant to establish an association between those two events. Yaakov, through no fault of his own, missed out on the opportunity to attain the high degree of spiritual perfection involved in fulfilling the Mitzvah of Kibbud Av. Perhaps then, his separation from Yosef would remind him of his own detachment from his parents and cause him to look within and seek to rectify any defects he might have had in this area.

Mitzvot as Spiritual Refinement

This understanding has great relevance to contemporary Jewish existence. We should not view the commandments exclusively as a vehicle of rewards and punishments. The aim of all the Mitzvot is to enable us to overcome our shortcomings and attain the highest possible level of spiritual perfection.

As the Rambam says (Moreh Nevuchim III:26–49), every Mitzvah has a purpose in elevating our souls and enhancing our relationship to the Creator. Thus, we should not be content to perform the commandments perfunctorily—i.e., just for the sake of fulfilling our religious obligations. We should also think deeply about the reason for the Mitzvah and seek to implement its spiritual purpose, so that we can attain a higher level of Avodat Hashem (Service of G-d).

May Hashem assist us in our endeavors to know Him in all of our ways.

Shabbat Shalom.