- Suffering or Wisdom?
-
- Rivka Olenick
-
-
-
- When a person suffers any type of misfortune, he/she should use it
as a cue to arouse his/her improvement. Chovos HaLavavos Brochos 5a;
7:6. We should each do everything possible to protect ourselves and
avoid unnecessary suffering and psychological harm.
-
- First we have to make the effort and try to understand what
suffering means. When you think of suffering you automatically equate
it with fear and you imagine that every terrible situation will
confront you. Setback and tragedy are part of life yet the outcome of
any setback or tragedy through suffering can prove to be very
beneficial for that person. Sooner or later all of us confront, but
can hopefully endure our trial of suffering. A person who cannot
accept their suffering is very unfortunate because they will have
gained nothing, and there is so much to be gained. Chazal say that God
created the world and it is good, that only good comes from God and
what happens in the world is for the ultimate good. So how should we
understand Chazal and internalize these ideas when we are suffering or
in the middle of a crisis or personal tragedy? It seems impossible. It
isn't impossible, but the approach in understanding suffering should
be a philosophical one. By allowing your mind and heart to be open and
by exploring and being introspective, your own suffering can open the
door to profound joy and believe it or not, may prove to you to be a
great blessing.
-
- Many people think that when everything is going great, who needs
Torah or God? I'll just get away with going through the motions, so it
all looks good and respectable from the outside and I'll just deny the
real purpose of my life here on the inside. Except, that when a crisis
occurs we can easily feel that we've lost control of our life in the
inside and the outside. Many people become depressed and anxious when
they are suffering, they feel lost and can't figure out what to do.
They find it hard to focus on anything and they feel alienated from
their family, and their friends. This suffering produces tremendous
uncertainty, which is scary and they ask: "Why did God let this
happen to me?" When suffering entraps you, try to look into your
life and examine it closely, looking for what is wrong. Seek and ask
for practical guidance and for advice from someone you trust and who
is willing to help you feel grounded. Feel positive and optimistic
that you are approaching your suffering the right way. If you don't
rebel against God because of your suffering, consider that to be a
high level and a very good starting point.
-
- How often do we hear of those who turn to alcohol or drugs or
anything else that one thinks will relieve one's pain, which is only
temporary. Once you start moving in a positive direction, consider
acquiring more wisdom and drawing closer to God, meaning closer to the
will of God. Make an investment in your peace of mind by investing
more time in thought. Don't leave your peace of mind to chance, rather
figure out how you can have greater peace of mind to aid you through
your suffering and give you strength. Wisdom can significantly help a
person understand where they wrong in their judgment or how they can
have more trust in God to endure their suffering. Acceptance is the
most difficult part of one's suffering. Once there is some amount of
acceptance, a person usually looks towards God and begins to feel
hopeful. Strengthen yourself by engaging yourself in thinking about
and exploring the concepts and ideas that are based on the foundations
and principles of Judaism. Do this by making time to learn and study
the great ideas contained in Pirkei Avos, The 13 Principles of Faith,
Psalms, Mishlei, and the Chumash. The list is endless, but first you
should make an attempt. Ask someone you know and respect for input and
suggestions in what area of Torah would be helpful for you to learn.
Maybe think about learning this area of Torah with a friend. This will
give you something to look forward to, something your mind will look
forward to. Don't waste time at the Shabbos table talking about silly
stuff, but use the precious time to direct the conversation to ideas.
Yes, a dvar Torah is very nice, but don't just repeat it, analyze it
and think about it together with whoever is at the table. Prepare
interesting questions. So much time and effort goes into the
preparation of the meal, but how much real effort goes into the
conversation so that it is beneficial for you and everyone else at the
meal? Talking about business is forbidden, yet people feel they have
to "catch up" by talking about it. Don't talk business, talk
ideas, talk God.
-
- In the meantime, become more introspective about your life even if
things are "ok." Maybe things can be a lot better and you
can strengthen your spiritual self and be more involved in growth. We
shouldn't simply rely on the fact that "everything is in God's
hands." Although this is true, one's fear of God - i.e., his or
her free will - is not in God's hands. "Hakol b'day shamayim,
chutz m'yiras shamayim." "All is in God's hands except the
fear of God." We are expected to do as much as we can for
ourselves in fulfilling our purpose by using all of our potential in
life for real growth, which is in our hands. When we do this we
continue to keep ourselves strong so that we can meet the difficult
challenges that will find its way into our lives.
-
- Don't rely on anyone else to remove your suffering for you. It is
more beneficial to be introspective and to look within and with the
right guidance, face the pain you feel. This will eventually bring
about your own peace of mind. Most people's sufferings are based on
false illusions or denial. Maimonides states that the majority of
man's evils are his own doing. Situations that produce a negative
outcome, are mostly caused by faulty thinking. This faulty thinking
causes suffering, self-inflicted suffering! "All the days of the
unwise are unhappy ones." Chovos HaLavavos 4:5. Often people are
fooled into thinking that life means continuous and uninterrupted
pleasure and so when reality interrupts, a person feels they are truly
suffering. But truthfully they are suffering because they lack the
understanding of the purpose of their life. If they understood their
purpose there would be no self-inflicted suffering! This is how a wise
person thinks about life and the importance of understanding how you
should live your life.
-
- So persevere, and ask for God's assistance through honest,
meaningful prayer. Don't just mutter the words, petition God and ask
for insight and clarity. Think about rearranging your priorities in
life and consider setting goals for yourself that are realistic and
sincere. Ask yourself: "What do I want out of this short life and
what goals should I set for myself so that I have continued growth.
How does God fit into my goals?" Suffering is a great teacher.
Suffering teaches you the limitations of your power; it reminds you of
the frailty of your health, the instability of your possessions, and
the inadequacy of your means which have only been lent to you and must
be returned as soon as the Owner (God) desires it. Suffering visits
you and teaches you the nothingness of your false greatness. It
teaches you modesty. From Horeb, Vol. I pg. 36.
|